Sea of souls
by frenhu
Summary: Emily often wondered about what it would be like to be with someone who she loved. How would it feel like to be loved.


**Disclaimer:** No, they are not mine…."Criminal Minds" belongs to CBS.  
**Authors Note: **Carly, this is for you for being there and encouraging me whenever I had trouble finding the words. You are absolutely wonderful!  
**A/N 2:** Beta by Carly. Enjoy!

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Sunset. Emily always liked the feeling that consumed her every time she had the opportunity to witness that fascinating phenomena. She would go to a peaceful place, to a park, sit down on a bench, close her eyes for a minute and be content. Feeling the sun's warmth gave her the serenity she needed the most.

The sky joyfully danced in the colors of pink, blue and orange, giving Emily a breath-taking sight and she almost forgot what world she was living in. She came here to clear her mind, to forget everything for a good five minutes. But she failed miserably. She couldn't block out the images that were haunting her; all the victims, the unsaved ones, the morning families, friends who were left behind. All those souls, hoping they found their peace at last just as she was trying to find hers. She could literally feel their presence around her, their pain harshly striking through her neat compartments until she couldn't bear it anymore. She was crying for them. Crying _with_ them.

Finally releasing what was left of them.

---

"Do you know when she is coming back? She's been gone since 2 weeks now." – Morgan wanted to hide his concern about her colleague and friend but anyone could see how torn and helpless he felt at that moment.

The team was gathered around the kitchen table, Garcia and JJ standing at the counter drinking their third coffee that day while Reid and Morgan sat talking. With the question out in the air, everybody looked at JJ, who was busy avoiding any eye contact with the rest of her colleagues.

"JJ? Come on, you are the closest to her, you have to know something."

"No, no, don't look at me. I know exactly as much as you do, which is really nothing. She didn't return my calls either."

The surprise and confusion couldn't have been any more evident on everyone's faces. JJ desperately wanted to tell them that Emily was coming back soon, that she was alright and ready for duty again. But that would have been a lie. At this point, she didn't even know whether Emily wanted to return at all, and that thought frightened the blonde. She knew that she and the brunette agent drew apart, case by case, and she let it happen. She blamed herself for that; she was with Will now, her son taking every free time available from her. She chose. JJ let her unsettling emotions for Emily cloud her mind so she did what she thought was the best. She let Emily slip from her life.

Just as she was about to ask Penelope if she knew anything, Hotch appeared with a file in his hands.

"Conference room in five minutes. We've got another case."

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Emily often wondered about what it would be like to be with someone who she loved. How would it feel like to be loved. As a kid, she often dreamed about her future husband, how she will be married by the age of thirty, 35 tops, having two lovely children and a great life somewhere in Europe. Looking at her reflection in the window right now in her apartment, facing the Capitol and mesmerized by the night lights of the city, she couldn't have been any more wrong than that childish fantasy.

Against everything, she wanted something, anything that would mean she was alive, that she hadn't wasted her life on chasing unsubs, analyzing lifeless bodies, visiting crime screens which often gave her nightmares, comforting family members in their time of loss.

She simply didn't want to be this lost.

A faint knock interrupted her thoughts. Eyebrows furrowed, she took a quick glance at her watch and contemplated who it could be at 10pm.

After checking the person standing in front of her door in her peephole, she opened it with a weary face.

"Hey!" – the blonde woman studied Emily's posture and she knew right away that she came at the wrong time.

"JJ. Hey."

"I'm sorry to bother you this late but…"

"It's okay, come in." – Emily ushered JJ inside, took her coat and motioned to take a seat on the couch.

"So what brings you here? Shouldn't you be at home with your family?"

JJ noted the sour taste of the sentence but she decided to ignore that for now - "I am where I want to be. You didn't return any of our calls and we were worried."

"We?" – The sarcastic tone of the brunette was getting to JJ, but she had to understand Emily.

"Yes, we. What's happening? When are you coming back?"

"I…I really don't know. I have some things to take care of."

"Emily, please. Talk to me."

"Suddenly you want to talk?" – JJ winced visibly at the harsh words and Emily smacked herself for being such an idiot. So with a sigh she continued – "I'm…I'm sorry. I have no right to snap at you, I'm just really tired and I should get some rest. It's not the right time now. I will call you tomorrow, okay?"

JJ didn't believe her for a minute , but reluctantly she started for the door. Before opening it, she took an abrupt turn, almost bumping in Emily who in the process lost her balance and nearly fell on the floor. The blond agent was faster though, grabbed Emily's hand and pulled her as close as it was possible.

"Oh, I'm sorry…I.." – JJ couldn't finish her sentence as Emily squeezed her hand, holding her a bit stronger, staring intensely at her. The air had changed around them as they stood there for minutes without a word, searching for something that could make any sense of this situation.

"Emily, I should…really…"

But before another thing could be said, Emily leaned slowly forward, giving every chance for JJ to step back. Parting her lips inches before hers could meet with JJ's, she whispered – "Just say you don't want this and I will stop."

JJ didn't say anything. She didn't let Emily slip away this time.


End file.
